Monday, May 23, 2005

Search terms round-up

It’s time once more for a round-up of the search terms that are leading people here. However before I get stuck in I have a message for one particular visitor.

If you are the sick and twisted bastard who actually visited my site looking for "kitty torture" then I hope you die a slow and lingering death someday soon. It’s bad enough that you were searching for that in the first place, I can’t imagine it was for any innocuous reasons, but you actually followed the link to my site, otherwise I wouldn’t know you’d done it. You are scum.

Right, back to normal programming.

I’ve been wondering my I seem to get so many people coming here looking for “Sore Toe” from Yahoo. Well I decided to take a look for myself the other day and you’ll never guess what, I’m the number one result! Yay, finally first at something *grin*

Ok, I’ll start with the more normal ones and work my way up to the truly weird (and there are some doozies this time), and then I’ll do the pornographic ones. It would seem that the baiting is paying off slowly.

Photo of ingrown cat toenail – Unless you were searching for this for some vicarious reasons of your own, I really hope you found what you need and that your poor kitty is better now.

Adult Kitty – If it’s actual cat pictures you’re looking for then there’s some in my Photo album (link in sidebar), if it's THOSE sort of pictures you’re looking for, try using Excite as your search engine.

Chippendale Waiters – What you mean they really exist! *mmmmmm*

Woozle Suze and Suze Woozle Secret Blogsite – Hey sweets you’re popular, but what’s this about a secret blogsite, nobody invited me *waaah*

Want to blow my nose – Erm, that’s what tissues are for, surely? If you’re old enough to be typing this request coherently into a search engine then you should be old enough to cope with this without having to look up directions online.

How do you get rid of bingo wings – If I knew this I’d have written a book and I’d be rich and famous, and I wouldn’t be the not-so-proud possessor of my own pair.

Shitty Kitty – Ok so I know I wrote a post with this title, but seriously people, why would you be searching for it, why?

Ok now we’re into the weird stuff:

Obese lady in green pics – hmm.

When the melting comes over me – really? do tell me more *grin*

Skeleton with extra cheese – is this the latest line at McDonalds then?

And finally, in the ‘Immense disappointment to the searcher’ category:

Shitty knickers – you people!

Lysette Anthony stripping – oh don’t you just wish, sorry, no naked pics of Ms Anthony here, aren’t you just fed up.

Well ladies and gents, that concludes the latest round of ‘Weird shit that people search for’