Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Maybe, maybe not.

You would think by now that I’d have learned not to get my hopes up, and normally I don’t. Oh, I may have the occasional ‘maybe this time’ moment but I usually manage to squash it pretty quick. However this time around, for some reason, I had started to hope that maybe, just maybe, we’d actually managed it.

It could be because I was about a week and a half overdue and hadn’t had any of the usual PMT symptoms. Ok so I’d been supremely ratty over the weekend but my moods have been up and down for ages now so that’s not so unusual. Of course life’s a s**t sometimes and likes to let you get yourself to the point of thinking it’s all worked out, just before it drops you from a great height and last night the drop came. I actually took the day off work today. Partly because my cramps have come on very quickly and very painfully, but partly because I didn’t want to have to cope with being around people today.

I haven’t heard anything more from the hospital about a date yet, but then I wasn’t really expecting anything soon. It would be nice if it were. I’m not even sure if I’m going in for a consultation or actually for something to be done, they’re not always great about telling you these things straight away, almost as if they want to keep you guessing. I suspect it’ll just be a consult and then I’ll have to wait another umpteen weeks for investigative surgery. My GP mentioned a laparoscopy which I have to say I’m a bit nervous about, not the procedure itself so much as the fact that I’ll have to be under for it. I’ve been under a general twice before and both times were decidedly unpleasant experiences, but the alternative would be to have an epidural and the thought of being aware of them cutting me open and poking tubes inside me seriously gives me the creeps *shudder*. I shouldn’t think about it really, I worry too much as it is.

Ah well, maybe next time.