Friday, May 06, 2005

It’s not always about the pounds

There won’t be an update to my weight ticker this week. I missed my meeting because of being off work and I can’t get to any others. However I did decide it was time for another measuring session, as it’s been a couple of months since the last one.

I was extremely pleased to discover that I’ve lost 2" off my hips, 1" off my waist, 1" off my back (under-bust), another 1" off my thigh (ol’ thunderthighs biting the dust at last) and ½” off my upper arm (aka 'the bingo wings'). Of course my ass is still lardy, just not as lardy as it used to be *yay*

I’ve decided that once I’ve lost the 50lbs that is my first target (oh there’s more than that to actually get rid off!), I’m going to treat myself to a sea-clay body wrap. I had one of these many years ago the last time I lost a significant amount of weight. It was 2 weeks before I got married and I’d lost about 50lbs then.

The process itself is quite tedious and not a little embarrassing and tiring but the results are well worth it. You start out by stripping down to your knickers (the skimpier the better) and pray that the young skinny thing that will be doing the wrapping is as professional as the one I got the last time I went. I may have lost weight, but I was still overweight and she didn’t bat an eyelid, it was quite comforting. So you’re standing there in your birthday suit plus cheesewire, she whips out a tape measure and a biro and proceeds to measure you within an inch of your life. Not just the usual ones, waist hips and bust, but many more places up and down your bod. At each place she measures she makes a little mark with the biro so she can be sure of measuring in the right place afterwards.

Next is the mummification procedure. Fortunately the jars on the shelves around the room are just containers of alternative medicines, rather than the internal organs of previous victims, and the gutting and stuffing phase is skipped over as we go straight to the bandaging. I started to worry a little as she picked up a pair of what looked like barbecue tongs and went over to a large pot full of bubbling goo, but it turned out that this was where the bandages were stewing. This stage does take a while and you have to stand the whole time. The girl starts wrapping you up in these clay soaked elastic bandages, and they are pulled quite snugly around you. They are also quite hot to start with, and while you appreciate a little heat, standing there almost naked as you are, you don’t want to be broiled. You also discover that you are not expected to breathe very much once your chest and abdomen have been wrapped.

After about half an hour of standing and being wrapped… voila! One Nefertiti lookalike (oh don’t I just wish). The they make you get into a giant shell suit to keep you warm. This is a lot harder than it sounds, imagine trying to move when you’re tightly wrapped in bandages.

At this point the experience may vary. The place I went to for mine actually gave you the option of spending your wrapped time (about 45 mins) sprawled on a leg-lift toning-table, which I did. This can help improve your inch loss from the treatment. You can just lie there and stew if you want to, snooze or something.

The unwrapping process is much quicker, but then it needs to be because you’re now standing around in cold, damp bandages that are being removed leaving cold, damp, en-goosebumped flesh. Then comes the fun part, the second measuring.

I don’t remember all the details of mine, it was a few years back now, but I remember the total loss of 15.5” and the loss of 2 whole inches off my waist. Then you should be able to take a lukewarm shower and get dry and dressed. They gave me a list of post-wrap do’s and don’ts to help the inches stay off, and instructions to drink lots of water. As well as the lost inches it helps to tone up your skin and it leaves it quite soft as well.

By contrast I have also tried the cream and clingfilm type treatment. Never. Again.