Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Words of wisdom

This is a list of things I have learned in my life so far. This is by no means exhaustive. Although some are light hearted, and some are serious they are all true.

If you try to pick up a frightened cat without protective gear expect blood to be drawn, and it won’t belong to the cat.

If you burn Weight Watchers Danish bread in the toaster just throw it away, if you try and scrape off the burnt bits the entire slice will disintegrate.

You don’t need a significant other in your life to define you.

Don’t do something just because everyone else expects you to, do it because you know it's what you want to do.

Nil illegitimi carborundum

If you strap a slice of buttered bread to the back of a cat and drop the whole lot from a first floor window all you will have is a slightly annoyed and buttery cat. Which way up it lands is really immaterial. (Please note that I didn’t actually try this)

A lazy person makes for a very efficient worker, once you get them in a position where they have to work.

It is possible to have too many cats; I just haven’t reached that point yet.

If your significant other isn’t also your best friend then you’re with the wrong person.

You’re never too old to buy cuddly toys for yourself and you should never be embarrassed about doing so, do not use your kids as an excuse.

A true friend is someone who is aware of all your faults and loves you anyway.

Treat yourself occasionally, because you really are worth it.

It doesn’t matter how small the cat is, or how small the catflap appears to be, they will still manage to get a live (injured, and very pissy) magpie through it somehow.