Thursday, June 09, 2005

Cat hair is...

This is a little something silly I cooked up a while ago for a rainy day blogwise, and now that day has come, enjoy :)


Cat hair is an ingredient. Add it to any dish for an instant lift and that hint of je-ne-sais-quoi. Your friends will be begging you to divulge that secret ingredient when you give a dinner party.

Cat hair is a condiment. If you find that you don’t want to include cat hair in your cooking then simply provide a bowl of it at the dinner table so that everyone can add it as they choose. Encourage people to substitute cat hair for salt, it’s far better for them. If they’d rather have fresh then suggest they stroke the cat and then brush their hands together over their plate.

Cat hair is a vital nutritional supplement. It contains catatonia, if you do not get sufficient cat hair in your diet then you will suffer from insomnia, usually brought on by your cats sitting on the bed and scratching in the middle of the night to rid themselves of all the excess cat hair that you haven’t been using.


Cat hair is an accessory. It has a natural static cling which enables it to adhere to your skin where you want it, and often where you don’t, however because this is an all-natural product you do not need any special creams or cleansers to remove it when you’re done. Just bathe or shower as usual.

Cat hair is an embellishment. Simply find the right colour of cat to co-ordinate with your outfit and cuddle for a while, et voila!

Cat hair is a rug. For men who are lacking in head or chest hair then cat hair is the answer for you. Either encourage the cat to sleep on your pillow with you, or have a bare-chested cuddle with the cat in the morning. Within days you will notice hair where you had none before. For safety purposes it is recommended that you choose a friendly and amiable cat for this, or one that has had it’s claws trimmed.

Interior decorating.

Cat hair is a patching agent. If you have a worn spot on your carpet, never fear, cat hair will neatly cover it up for you. It’s best if your cat co-ordinates with your carpet, but if not just encourage the cat to shed in several places including the worn patch and it will look like a pattern.


Cat hair is an embroidery thread. Use it like a blending filament with your regular threads when stitching to add a little lift to any piece you create.

Cat hair is a wool substitute. Brush your cat regularly using a grooming brush and store the resultant clumps of hair in a bag. When you have enough spin it into a coarse fibre that can be used for knitting or crochet. If you manage to spin it a bit finer then you could use it for weaving. For this purposes a long haired cat is far better then a shorthair. Advisory note: Never attempt to shear a cat as you would a sheep. Cat hair is much finer than wool and has a tendency to blow away during the shearing process. Oh and cats have claws… and sharp teeth… and attitude.

Cat hair is dolly hair. When your children want to make little dolls out of clothespegs/pins, instead of cutting up wool or thread to make the hair, use cat hair instead. It’s much softer and far more natural looking.

These are the many uses of cat hair, do you have any other suggestions? Maybe the artistic amongst you could do a cartoon of one of the uses in action. If anyone actually tries out one of these suggestions please blog about it and let me know so I can read about your experiences.

(Disclaimer: The use of cat hair may have an adverse affect on some people. I cannot be held responsible for any distress or injury that may arise out of your own personal use of cat hair. Keep away from very small children and people allergic to cats and cat hair. Please enjoy cat hair responsibly and in moderation.)