Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Politically correct phrases

These are to be used when one is at work, to adequately express ones feelings to management without the use of language which may offend.

Old phrasePreferred phrase
When the $%£$ do you expect me to do this?Perhaps I can work late.
No ^%$£-ing way!I am certain that is not feasible.
You've got to be ^%$£-ting meReally?
Tell someone sho gives a %^$£Perhaps you should check with...
Ask me if I give a %^$£Of course I'm concerned
It's not my ^%$£-ing problemI wasn't involved in that project
WTF!?!?That's interesting behaviour
%^$£ it, it won't work!I'm not sure I can implement this
Why the hell didn't you tell me?I'll try to schedule that sooner
Who the %^$£ cares?Are you sure this is a problem?
He's got his head up his a$$He's not familiar with the problem.
Eat %^$£ and die, mofoExcuse me sir?
Kiss my a$$/Bite meSo you weren't happy with it?
%$^% it, I'm on salaryI'm a bit overloaded at the moment
Shove it up your a$$I don't think you understand
This job sucksI love a challenge
Who the hell died and made you boss?You want me to take care of that?
Blow meI see.
Another ^%$£-ing meeting!!!!Yes, we really should discuss it
I really don't give a %^$£I don't think this will be a problem
He's a %^$£-ing %^$£He's somewhat insensitive
You don't know what the %^$£ you're doingI think you would benefit from further training

I myself have used 'Really', 'I see' and 'Perhaps I can work late' to very good effect. There is a most gratifying feeling of satisfaction when using these phrases as you can express yourself and keep your job.