Friday, November 26, 2004

Tomorrow could be interesting

DBF has just called to say that his brother (DBB) has asked if he can visit tomorrow. This may sound like a perfectly innocuous request however...

When DBB visits some or all of the following events take place:
1. DBF and DBB get totally hammered either at home or by making a tour of the local watering holes.
2. They watch each other playing Grand Theft Auto (GTA: latest version) and have competitions such as; Who can get 6 stars the fastest, Who can blow up the highest number of helicopters in 2 minutes, or who can do the most insane stunt (apologies to my readers who have no experience with GTA)
3. Watch videos/DVS’s of totally un-PC comedians
4. Sit around doing an incredibly accurate impression of Beavis and Butthead
5. Find my can of spray-mount and create bizarre structures out of empty cider cans (the cats go into hiding at this point)
6. Eat pot noodle (or sometimes Asda's cheepy microwavable macaroni cheese in DBB's case) in a bun, yes, in a bun!
7. Belch a lot
8. Fart a lot (this gets worse after no. 6)
9. Watch Weird Science (it's their favourite film) or Spaced (their favourite t.v. series) both of which they can both quote word for word from memory
10. Mock me for not getting their quotes (if I'm still there at that point)

This visit is slightly more worrying for me since it's the first time that DBB will be visiting us in the new house. There's a river at the bottom of the garden which is more like a lake as it goes past our house, and there's a lot of waterfowl living on it. My worry is; that at some point after they've consumed vast quantities of alcohol, they'll decide it's a splendid idea to go and harass the water-based wildlife. I don't want to be fishing them out of the river at 2:00am. I really don't want to be fishing them out at 10:00am.

I'm hoping, should this idea occur to them, that in their drunken state, the obstacle course of getting downstairs, out the back door and navigating their way down to the river (it's a steep garden and there's walls and plants in the way) will prove to be too much. With any luck it'll be cold too and then they won't make it past the back door.

I think I’m going to spend the evening hiding out in the bedroom with the cats, my stitching and a good book.